My little 1 lb 4oz 23/3 day micro preemie will be 7 in August. I cannot take it.
She will be going into the 2nd grade this year and time is flying by like nothing.
I turned 30 this past year, Yikes! So many changes in the past few years.
She is still getting services through her school, such as occupational therapy,
physical therapy and speech. She has made TONS of progress and I am so proud.

In the beginning you really have no idea what to expect. I honestly didn't. I didn't know
if I would ever be able to have a conversation with my child, would she understand?
Would she even be able to feed her self, walk, go to school or make friends?

The answer to that is you never will know those answers but with time things change.

I know I always mention I want to keep this blog up every time I post, but I do!
I still want to be there for those going through what I did and those who may have
questions. So PLEASE feel free to reach out, be active on my posts, I will answer!

Life gets in the Way

Sorry to my followers I really should make a point to post more often. Here are a few updates over the past almost year.

Madison has graduated from pre-school after attending for 2 years, since she was 3 (early intervention recomended). So glad they did by the way she has made so much progress it is unbelieveable!

Now at almost 5, can you believe it my baby is going to be 5 next month! She is almost FULLY potty trained only pull ups for bedtime and they are for the most part DRY in the mornings!

I have kept my first job since taking the voluntary leave in 2011 for a year and switched to a job making 5 dollars more an hour, I've been there 3 months now.

Next week my bf of close to 2 years and I are moving into a place together. I honestly would have never thought this is where I would be at separating from my ex husband, but hey life continues and you move on and things change and I welcome change.

Turning Over a New Leaf

         Hello hello! Last I posed Madison was about 2 1/2. Well she just had her birthday in August and she a now a 4 year old. F-O-U-R can you believe it!? I can't believe it. Some of you have been with me through this journey from the start and I appreciate all your support. Lets see...where do I begin? I am now divorced and it will be a year Oct. 28th yay! I have now been with my current boyfriend for over a year, it goes by way too quick! Madison is now in her LAST year of preschool and she will be an official kindergartener this September! SO CRAZY!.

      I went back to work this past March after almost 3 years and was given a Full-time position this past August and I officially got my first EVER brand new car ON MY OWN this past Monday. Things are really looking up and I couldn't be more excited.

     I've also started another journey. I've found a company called Le-Vel. It is a wellness program designed to help in everyday life, to give you balance, more energy, adequate sleep and so much more! Want to know more? Sign up for a FREE account here ThriveCecelia.Le-Vel.com  and always stay informed! You can also reach me here by email: ThriveCecelia  earn FREE PRODUCTS for yourself by signing up for a FREE PROMOTOR account and getting others to sign up as well all you need is two people under yourself to receive auto-ship products.

     I'm glad I decided to come back and post, it seems there are still people out there looking at my blog and reading about my experiences and I'm glad I could share and give others hope. Here are two current photos of my mini and I. Enjoy!

Somewhat of an update

Well hello my loyal followers. It has been forever once again, but I'm keeping up periodic check-ins. Madison is now a little over 2 1/2, and that's crazy. We've been trying play groups with her through EI and the first one didn't work out. That one was where we'd drop her off and leave. We are now trying one where I stay with her. She's been there twice now. The first visit didn't go so well but the last one was pretty good...I think it is because we got there before anyone else so she settled in before all the commotion.

EI pushing for preschool and I'm on board I'm just really nervous because she has issues adjusting and no one really knows about her. How to settle her down or just deal with her in general. She's pretty sensitive.

As for my life I'm in my second semester of college and there's only a few weeks left until summer vacation. I can't wait! There really wasn't a spring break seeing as I had work to do all through it. Trying to get this divorce started,over and done with ASAP. ANDD I think that's about it. I'm going to the gym almost daily. 5 - 6 days a week...that's just kind of what I do haha. I've lost 47lbs since starting in November and still working on a bunch more haha.




An updated photo of the babes and I <3

Moving on

I apologize for not posting in about three months I've just been doing a lot of things all at once. Life has been getting better. The husband and I are still apart and plan to stay that way...I will be filing for divorce.

I am officially enrolled in school, I have a car and with my couple nights I get off a week I'm actually doing things for myself. I'm getting back into modeling a bit and just doing awesome stuff. I've met up with a few friends from elementary school and it was so great seeing them and catching up. I've been on a few dates but nothing really came of anything and I don't want to be tired down just yet.

*I did see your comment asking how Madison was a couple months back but forgot to respond I am sorry*

Friday, August 16th we celebrated Dexter and Sunday, August 18th we had Madison's birthday party. Monday, August 19th was her actual birthday and this child is TWO! Can you believe it!? So to answer your questions Madison is doing GREAT, she is just go go go all the time, shes starting to walk more without support, crawling up stairs and will walk up normally with her hand(s) being held.

I was going through photos months ago of her and photos of her now and it's just crazy how much she has grown! I honestly have maybe 5 photos total of her and her father...it's just sad. He came to her Birthday late for about 20 minutes. I had to ask him to sit next to her so I can take a pic. He pretty much ran out of the door with his mother and grandmother. He didn't watch her open presents, or even eat any cake. She screams when either of them hold her...I just feel bad.

They expect me to always be on them to see her and that's not something I want to do..I figure they want to see her they will be in touch...and they aren't. Her dad completely ignores me and well I guess that's how it will be.

Here are some pictures for your viewing enjoyment!

 
                   

 

MY FAVORITE!  Taken Aug 18th

ME :)
Artistic Director: Jennifer Evie
Photographer: James DeMello
Dress: Gifts to Give/ Project Cinderella

Life

Life now is well lonely but somewhat less stressful. I'm just worried about Madison and little things like getting a car and paying bills. I don't have too many but the cellphone and cable bill add up. Madison hasn't been taking a second nap these past few days or have been sleeping through the night for a few months now. It is taking it's toll on me but eh a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

Madison has 8 teeth now but I think more are making their way in. She gets cuter and cuter. Here are some recent photos for your viewing pleasure :) I better try and get to bed before she wakes up. Good night all! I may get back to posting somewhat regularly for now on.

Playing with her plastic Easter Eggs.

Your Reason

I realize many of you have stumbled upon my little blog here maybe through google searching for experiences with twin pregnancies and some of you are having cervical issues and are looking for a positive outcome, and there is those of you who unfortunately have the pleasure of getting to know the nicu. I just want to say don't let my stories scare you. There is still hope regardless of your situation. My cervix failed me but in the end I had a choice and the choice that changed things and put them in a direction I'd rather have not gone was removing the cerclage that supposedly made Dexter's fluid extremely low. I say supposedly because when we thought it was time to deliver him they broke my water in the process and let me tell you there was a lot. That was the second mistake I didn't know what was happening and they broke my water which I would have decided against. My advice to you if you are in the same situation where they doctors are drilling you about infection because a cerclage may have ruptured your water STAY in the hospital and let them monitor you. Do NOT remove the cerclage unless they have positive evidence you have an infection...it can save your child's life trust me if I could go back it would have stayed put. I also HIGHLY advise any pregnant women whether or not their is history of it in the family or not PLEASE get your cervix checked at EVERY appointment every ultrasound it is very important you have a long and closed cervix to keep a healthy and uneventful pregnancy. If you happen to be one of those unlucky few who have to be put on bedrest. Don't be angry its in your child's best interest and yes it can get boring and you can become really frustrated and full of mixed emotions (read my first few posts) but it's not forever it doesn't last. I remember being admitted to the hospital at 22 weeks I was so not happy and wanting to go home and after a week it got easier and I was hoping I'd be there for much longer than I was but it was cut short and my life changed so quickly. You don't prepare because you can't...I never even thought to have someone bring me my camera...I have no others photos of my son except for the ones on my cellphone. If you are admitted to the hospital go as if its your delivery day. You don't want to miss out on the moments good or bad because regret is a bitch to live with, it eats at you. So this brings me to the nicu-ers. I had a long, hard NICU stay. I was told so many times before Madison was born that we had less than 1% of a survival rate for babies at 23 weeks and that's whith retardation, handicaps and all. As scary as that was to hear we kept hope. I distanced myself from Madison in the beginning. She was so small and frail and I didn't know how to act. I couldn't say "I love you," to her because that meant I would open myself up to be hurt. To hurt even more than I already was when Dexter passed just 3 days earlier. It took me a while to come around. I was fighting with myself I was depressed I was hurt I just lost my child and now I was going to lose her I was numb. She was stable and fighting but everyday there was something different. And I remember the nurse saying to me "get your hand in there and touch her,she needs you," and I replied "I'm scared." From that day forward I knew she did need me she needed to know I was there no matter what and that I will fight along side her, and I did I was right there through the good and the bad and the bad again. The NICU really puts a toll on you mentally and you can never be happy for a full 24 hours or tell anyone things are good because it will get shoved right back in your face and turn to just the opposite. So I guess what I'm trying to say it BE there, always. Love even though its tough because for that moment they are with you and need every bit of hope and confidence you have because they don't know what's going just that they are there and you should be too.

Beyond irritated

I'm totally scatter brained right now and I have no clue where to begin. Things with my husband and I are well...not good. He is like a child in a mans body. I don't mean for this to be a whole post about complains but let me share my side of the story.
Since moving in together and getting married I've seen a side of him I HATE, and it's his gaming and throwing away money habits. He will JUMP for anything game related but I ask to do something for the baby and its "one second," which it never happens anyway because I just end up doing it. And him and I go over the same ting all the time and nothing changes. I'm getting fed up with it all. We are living with my parents now. All he does is wake up during the week to go to school for 5 1/2 hours and its either take a nap and play video games or he goes straight to the video games. I get 5 minutes here and there of him helping with Madison and thats it. Everytime I bring it up with him I'm "controlling him," or trying to "change him," and so because he is being this way I'm not showing him any "love," or "emotion" and how am I supposed to when your doing NOTHING for me? I would go to counseling but we don't have the money for it. He works 2 - 3 days tops at you guessed it...Gamestop which REALLY pissed me off when he told me he applied there. On top of that I know he is keeping his checks and cashing them for games and not helping with bills. I'm out of work as you may know taking care of the baby and my servence pay from my job is done the first week of April so I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to lose me but I don't know if I can stand being with someone so very immature and just fucking stupid sometimes Ugh.

with every end comes a new beginning

Well I was told today they wanted to order an ultrasound to take a look at my cervix which is awesome yet terrifying. I've been waiting for that since about 9am. In about 38 minutes it will be a whole 48 hours since Dexter's birth. We put in his birth certificate info and I'm waiting for the lady to get back so we can sign it. We had a little scare last night. I started contracting and I was having more pressure when standing so I had an exam and was told I was 5cm dilated and if I wanted a c section it would be soon. I was then exmained again and was told I was 3cm and they didn't feel bulging membranes so we made it through the night. The next day August 19th was fairly quiet contractions here and there. Pain and contractions got noticeably closer together and stronger around 6:00PM ish so I got examined manually and with an abdominal ultrasound which showed I was about 7cm dilated Madison was breech and her legs and hips were almost on their way out so again if I wanted a c section it was now. And I agreed so a flood of nurses, doctors, and other people came in asking a bunch of questions to get things moving along. I was told not to move one bit because once she is near the vagina there would be no point in doing a c section. So I was preped and ready to go. Wheeled in given the spinal all set up and hubby came in. Everything was so quick one difference this time around was when she came out (I couldn't see her) she was moving all around, and opening her mouth. The other good things were she ended up getting the full dose of the steroid shots and the magnesium sulfate. Her heart rate at birth came down to 90bpm and immediately stabilized her to 120s +. Little Madison Jade was born at 7:12PM August 19th 2011 just 3 days after her brother. And it seems her big brother is looking out for her.