20 weeks 3 days

Well yesterday was 20 weeks 3 days. Not too bad of a day my mom and dad came over and made breakfast for dinner for my husband and I it was sooo good. Baby wise we are all still holding up I still get those times throughout the day where I feel depressed and sorry for myself but I guess it comes with the territory.There are nights I notice when I wake up to pee I just feel like its going to be over right now. Maybe its dreams I've been having but I can't remember what they were I just remember not feeling positive when I wake up...its odd.I know for today they are still here with me.

19 weeks 6 days

I'll be 20 weeks tomorrow. I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that this could all end really quickly. The baby A's bag of water is dipping past the stitch and I really don't see a good outcome. I'm pretty sure soon it will cause me to dilate and the water will break and could cause me to loose one or both babies which I can't even imagine going through right now. Everone is saying be positive please be positive but I don't think they understand the severity of the situation let alone whats really going on. Its more than just lay down and you'll be fine which I think is what they are thinking.
  My husband's grandmother said to me yesturday I feel so bad you have to lay down it must suck, yes it does but then she goes on to say its bad enough being pregnant now you have to be in bed. No, its bad when you can't get pregnant on your own go through extensive fertility treatments to get pregnant to loose the baby, then go through the treatments again get pregnant think everythings okay when its not, having a shitty cervix, being on bedrest then have my husband loose his job, I can't work and we can't pay our bills...I'm fine with be pregnant.

19 weeks 4 days

Here I am again bed ridden and feeling like poop...I looked up things to try and get help with housing and all that but I have to go to the place and apply but I'm on disability and on strict bedrest so how? I really dont want to give up our own space its the only place I feel comfortable. I dont want to live with my in laws and take their bedroom ugh. We need help bad. W wish we could live off and pay bills with $87 a week. Being on short term disability how am I only getting paid for 24 hours when I was working 40 hours...how does that work.

sick of it all

I keep going in and out of this depressed state being so frustrated that I just want all this to end and it isnt just the babies its the fact that now we cant keep our apartment because we dont have enough cash flow, we can't pay our bills and I just feel done with all this. Im so scard of all this. I mean we have had people offer to let us say there but its like oh you can bring your ferret (even though its pretty much my baby) and I dont want to part with him or have anyone else take care of him he gets me through my bed rest days. And my moms place is tiny but she would let us bring him along. I dont know anymore.

19 weeks 3 days

  I had my cervical check yesturday...babies awesome as usual but my cervix has gotten shorter in 9 days. It's now down to .6cm when it was .9cm 9 days earlier. I'm really not sure what more to do as I feel ive been doing everything I can. I've been on strict bedrest for a couple days over 3 weeks now. I dont even care about making it to 26 weeks that would still be good but just get me to 24 weeks and we'll take it from there.
    The bag of waters (baby a) is now going past the stitch which really concerns me. That and the fact that the doctor (fill in) is still telling me we can only wait and see. No talk about admitting me into the hospital to try and make it to viability...all i know is this Thursday at my next check up if its shorter then I'm telling them to admit me no ifs ands or buts I dont want to lose my babies.
   On top of that we found out my unemployed husband will no longer get unemployment which was $200 and something which helped a lot. And now I find out from disability through my job im only getting $87 a week...and that is what we have to live off of for car payment, rent, phone, credit cards...i really dont know what to do. And even more so a couple ladies on the message boards have lost their babies due to incompetent cervix :(