I want to be gone, alone.

Today is one of the worst days. It is day 17 on strict bed rest and my mind is just going and going. I know im doing this for my babies but I really don't know how much longer I can hold on mentally. I feel like im on the brink of a break down and I dont know what to do. i'm only 18 weeks 3 days and I have a long way to go for them to even have a chance at survival and everyday scares me.