22 weeks 1 day

So as you may have guessed by the last of post yesterday I didn't have the appointment I hoped for. I went in excited only to leave a train wreck. Cervical wise I'm up .3mm which is good but now that is the last of my worries. They were looking ever the babies everything good heartbeats movement until it came to fluid check and Dexter. He has very low fluid and to top it off they can't prove I've broken my water not through the strip test or under microscope. They wanted to inject a blue dye into Dexter's amniotic sac and have me wear a tampon to se of I am leaking fluid but because how he is positioned...its impossible. So yesterday I made the choice of waiting a day go back today check on fluids and if it hasn't gotten any better to remove my stitches...but since I've had the time to think about it I don't want that. He also put on the table to induce....um no. Right now I have no sign of infection but the doctor wants to treat it as though I did break my water and let nature take its course but for me that means have an inviable or two. To top it all off my doctor is going to be away so we made the "plan" yesterday and I don't know if I can go through with it. If he is still alive I want to try and see if I could take some antibiotics for a week then come back get checked over and get the steroid shots at around 23 weeks 2 days....its close enough to 24 anyway. I really am just scatter brained and I have no clue what to do. I mean I guess there "could" be a bright side of look there is a decent amount of fluid now, see you next week, but you can bet I'm not holding my breath. Appointment @ 2:30...let's see what my future will hold.

21 weeks 6 days / 22 weeks

I'm feeling positive about this appointment Wednesday. I'm hoping to be able to breathe a sigh of relief if that means me still being on strict bedrest so be it. I hate not knowing what's going on. Yesterday at my appointment with the cardiologist went okay I guess. They did the EKG and obviously my heartrate was higher than normal...they never did say what it was but my husband said it was 140, but the doctor said he doesn't hear anything abnormal the rate is just high so I had to get some blood work to check my thyroid and see if in anemic I think there was another test but I don't remember. I was also scheduled for an echocardiogram I think is what its called. Its pretty much an ultrasound of my heart. Anyways I see my babies tomorrow!

21 weeks 5 days

Tomorrow is my heart appointment, supposed to be getting an EKG hoping nothing is irregular. Wednesday is my post op / cervical length follow up. The nurse said when making the apointment he would want a quick ultrasound which is good for me I will get some cervical numbers and hopefully both babies are doing good especially Dexter since he had to deal with all the distrubance beig that he was right there. I'm feeling good no pain in the area and the spotting ad all has completely stopped. I will be 22 weeks tomorrow which means 2 weeks until I can get the steroid shots for lung development, and a total of 4 weeks to reach my first goal of 26 weeks. I've been thinking about babyshower stuff now but in the back of my mind I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about it at all...I don't know if I'm being selfish or realistic I mean nothing is certain and I would hate to have a ton of baby stuff with no babies. Then I was thinking well if we made it to 2 weeks then have a shower but what if they come right after I won't have anything for them BUT the reality is if they do make it to 28 or maybe a week after...they will most definitely be in the NICU for sometime so maybe after they are born. I feel so guilty not feeling excited about them or getting too attached because I don't want to loose them...ugh.

21 weeks 4 days

I'm hoping I'm "that" case where pretty much against all odds this procedure worked successfully. Twins, incompetent cervix, barely any cervix and two surgeries later it was a success. I want my doctor to even be surprise. I want to be the one that had all this done and be an advocate for future women going through the same thing, I want to say there is a chance and to not give up. I would love to be able to tell a story like that. Bring it on Wednesday I want my good news :)

21 weeks 2/3 days

I figured I would merge both days since I didn't post yesterday. Well day after the second cerclage I'm feeling pretty good there was a lot less blood then 5 weeks ago when I had my first. The only time I had to take pain meds was at the hospital and that was it, that was similar to last time. I called all my doctors yesterday made my follow up appointment to get the cervical on Wednesday...I'm excited. I also called my OB and apologized for missing my appointment on Wednesday because I had survey which I thought my perinatal doctor would have told but he didn't and she was fine with that. She doesn't want to see me unless the Peri thinks I should. I honestly don't see why I should still see her now when it seems the Peri is taking better care. As for other appointments I have my EKG on Monday to see what my heart is doing...I hope I'm okay in that departmentm

21 weeks 1 day

Today started off with a call from my high risks doctor's nurse at around 8:45AM saying after thinkinag it over my doctor decided to go through with the surgery as I was to go to the surgical center when possible so I got ready and that's what I did. I got there a little after 9:0AM and registered. Last nights I was thinking about all the what ifs and everything that could be positive about this surgery again. It was so quick this morning I couldn't really process it and maybe that was a good thing. I went in got all situated and went in for surgery around 11:00AM and was out at around 12:30PM. The surgery felt like it took a while and it did he seemed confident in his work. Its funny before surgery he came in and said how he was going over everything in his had and actually found an article from this year where 21 weekers in my situation with drooping membranes either decided on doing another cerclage or not. Those that did not didn't make it past 22 weeks and those the chose another cerclage made it to 27 weeks so in a way that kind of made the surgery more favorable to him which made me happy. He also said he did talk to two colleagues. Of his about doing the surgery and one said it was completely out of the question while the other said he would go ahead and try it. Now I'm just hoping this one works as it should and there are no complications. He did say after the final exam before leaving the OR that he felt my cervix was long and closed...I kinda want to know what this "long" means, as I went into the or with .3mm of cervix left... Well I'm going to take it easy and give the office a call tomorrow to schedule a follow up although even after it I'm not going to believe a word until there is an ultrasound that gives me a measurement. I also forgot to mention I saw this beautiful monarch butterfly before going into the surgical center this morning and it flew right in front of us I'd like to think that was our baby we lost at 6 weeks watching over us and his/her brother and sister...it put a smile on my face.

21 weeks

Five days ago I had my cervical length follow up and was told I was .5mm but it was more like 4.88mm. Today he said not much of a change either this week (in 5 days) but the shortest measurement was around .3mm so like I said before I would bring up the topic of having a second cerclage placed, which I did. Like before he was against it like the first one but did tell me this time when he did the manual exam he could feel the bag of water past the stitch now. So I feel like its only a matter of time now.

 I was upfront and plain out asked him if I didn't have this cerclage placed do you think I'd still be here right now and he said no that he though the membranes would have ruptured by now which I agreed with him about. So far this stitch has given me 5 weeks and I'm hoping with another stitch I could get another 5+ weeks if there are no complications. A second stitch is the only thing I feel would by more time since the bag of water is going past this one, I feel like there isn't anymore time to waste. This time he would use a balloon to life the bag of water up and stitch around the cervix and tool that holds the balloon then deflate it. I just need to be shown which direction to take I want to know this is the right one.

So I think I will leave it up to the doctor this time he said he will talk over my case with the other doctors tomorrow and that he would get back to me tomorrow and let me know if I will be going in for surgery. If he is still against it I will still feel the need to push it so maybe using his opinion won't work...I don't know. I don't want to have these babies too early my goal is to get to 26 weeks and maybe even past that. I saw them on ultrasound today and they were beautiful.