GYN

Well I had my appointment yesterday. She told me to keep taking Metformin to help with the PCOS and to avoid fatty and sugary foods, easier said than done. Oh and I'm severely overweight...almost morbidly obese actually. I weigh more now than I ever did even more so than when I was pregnant. That's like a punch in the face right there...PCOS if not treated early can make you become overweight because of the insulin resistance. Your body doesn't use the sugar it builds up as fat. Maybe if I can just cut back on what I eat and get to the gym for a few this would all work in my favor. I've never exercised while on Metformin so I'm sure it will work its magic a lot sooner with exercise. Oh and the blood pregnancy test...negative.

Disgustingly Hot!

Well we had our first counseling session yesterday. It kind of feels good to get things out to someone else. Hopefully we will dive in more deeply next week.

On top of all that it was disgustingly hot yesterday. It was in the 90s but felt in the 100s. It was muggy and humid. Unfortunately our A/C died in the car at the end of last summer. We tried buying this thing that recharges your A/C or does something to it (I don't know) and it didn't work...we looked at the fuses they were fine and well my husband's friend thinks it's our compressor...yeah like I have $500 to blow on the part, not even including labor. I don't know what we are going to do if this is how summer is going to be.

 This is day two of nastiness. We can't put Madison in the car with it being like this. This car is going to be paid off in November and while I REALLY don't want anymore car payments, I might just have to get another one or trade this one in. We really could use another type of transportation though. I doubt I would even be accepted for a loan since I'm not working.

After all the car business we came home and went to bed around 11PM. Well I tried to anyway...I had these HORRIBLE cramps eventually I feel asleep though. Guess what!? Still no period, well I shouldn't say period because I didn't know what that was last time but no blood speckles lol.  I messed up on the date of my GYN appointment and it's today so I'm still going to try and ask her if she could do some blood work just to be sure whether or not pregnancy exists...I'm pretty sure not. I am going to tell her I thought I saw a faint positive so she will want to check.

PCOS

Well I have it for those of you who don't know. I have pretty much everything that goes with it. I thought my period would be normal after delivery but it is again gone. So I called up my Reproductive Endocrinologist to meet with her and talk about things I can do to control this maybe get my cycles going without birth control pills or provera. My husband and I are probably going to start going to the gym since I've been pretty much immobile since being pregnant with the twins. Te bedrest did a toll on my body. I don't move enough because I'm at home with the baby I have pretty much everything I need in this room. I see her in about 3 weeks.

It was finally spoken aloud.

The hubby and I are going through some issues. Hes finally come clean about all the lying and other things I really don't feel like mentioning. We are going to try counseling. That really isn't what this post is supposed to be about but that is what lead to the topic of this post. Our twins, or what was supposed to be.

Initially our are miscarriage (should I even call it that? Since I got a D & C ? on paper it was called something abortion...nice isn't it?) just after 6 weeks we met up with the Reproductive Endocrinologist about 3 months later to decide our game plan. We decided on a FET cycle (our frozen embryos left over from IVF) and again we got that same paper to choose how many we wanted transferred back. Just like when we did IVF we were warned for being under 35 years of age 1 embryo is recommended to avoid a higher multiple percentage, so it was our first time going through this and well we sided with the doctor. During the FET we strongly agreed on transferring two embryos back no questions asked. I remember a few days before the transfer was to happen a someone from the lab called and said "Are you sure you want to have two embryos transferred?" I replied "Yes," and that was the end of the phone call.

We went into it hoping for just one to make it. That's what we said aloud to each other...we've never talked about that with each other before until a few days ago when all shit hit the fan. We figured, well one of them will not even grow or just not even attach early on in the pregnancy. Maybe we will just see one heartbeat and that'd be great. I'm sure if that wouldn't of really happened I'd be hurt, but that was our mindset then. We never expected for them to both we alive and well until the end, that's what hurts the most. We didn't expect to meet this child EVER. When they both stayed we were expecting to take them both home and not to have to say goodbye. We didn't expect this early delivery but we were hoping both would at least be in the NICU for a while not leave us so abruptly.

I miss you baby boy.

Can't I just buy Prenantal Vitamins without being questioned!?

So this story goes like this. I need some vitamins in my life so I decide on prenatals they are the best to take ANYTIME so who not? My mom somehow sees this box from them and it freaking out asking if I'm pregnant I mean I guess one would get the idea but the box says BEFORE,DURING, and AFTER pregnancy. Since I can't get pregnant on my own if I were I think I would shout it from the rooftops...SERIOUSLY.

Just to prove them ALL WRONG (the husband included) I buy a two pack of pregnancy tests First Response to be exact. I take it and what do you know...NEGATIVE. I kind of put a little water on it to wash some of the escaped urine on the window off. I set it down and wake up this morning decide to take a look at it and its now a faint positive. WTF!? So my brain isn't comprehending any of that. I NEVER have had a negative turn positive and First Response is all I've ever used (besides the cheapies and I've never even gotten that one one of them).

BUT now I'm thinking well maybe the water seeped into the window and made it turn positive (it could happen right) So after seeing that I busted out the second test and that is negative...for now right? I'm keeping it to see if it changes. So if it changed or not I have my annual GYN appointment coming up the 19th so I will ask for a blood test then to see whats officially up.

NICU/CCN Graduates Reunion

It was this past Sunday and it was great! Everyone was coming up to us to see Madison it was awesome. They were so happy to see her and I was so happy to see them. They gave my daughter life. There was a few people I didn't get to see but I will go back and see them. Her primary doctor actually remembered what POD she was in...out of alll those babies he remembered hers...Madison was the problem child in the NICU haha but it was nice he stopped us to talk with him.He commented on how great she looked. We also saw another doctor the one who came down to us to let us know "this would be the time to stop all efforts," (regarding Dexter) she was also the doctor who took care of me when I was a preemie so we had some history. Even though she was on our team of doctors when Madison was in the NICU she still came by and spoke with us. We have some type of unspoken connection. We took some pictures with a few nurses and with her. Madison also saw her POD buddy. Her mom, Madison, her daughter and I sat with each other and talked about what each of our babies are doing now and that at some point we should meet up and have them play together. I have to get the pictures on here at some point so once they are I will get a few up here. Upon checking in they gave us a little backpack type thing that has an Eeeor (pretty sure I spelt that wrong) a little t shirt for Madison that says "NICU Graduate) and a little book. So sweet they gave us things for here. I submitted a couple pictures for the reunion and they had them up in a slidshow on the a projector. I just can't believe how hard this little girl fought to stay her, she just amazes me everyday.

Happy Father's day, fathers...

yeah like any men read this blog. ANYWAYS Father's day was fine until a close to 7PM after we were at my father-in-law's house for a cookout when Madison started throwing herself and crying uncontrollably. Yeah so I never got to eat had to take it home the hubby had a couple burgers and we were there maybe an hour...I feel like crap for leaving but Miss Madison didn't want to nap before we got there and it was an all out fuss war. Atleast we showed up right?