Possible exploratory surgery...

I can't remember if I posted about how Madison's tummy is extended and they found a possible fungal ball or cyst by her liver BUT her blood culture has been positive for 2 different bacterial infections and she's been on the best antibiotics for it and there hasn't been a change. On top of that she hasn't pooped in over a week so if something doesn't happen by Monday they are thinking about doing exploratory surgery to see if they can find something they could fix. They think it could be a bowel infection. The positive for today she is still stable and pooped on her own *yay* So hopefully things will be looking up now. Meanwhile they are waiting on results from her belly scan earlier to see if things have changed and are looking into maybe a different antibiotic that could help. I did decide today after 3 weeks of trying, that this breast feeding well pumping thing just wasn't working out for me. I have about 70 bottles at the hospital with my drops in them and that should hold her off for a little since she isn't getting any feeds now and when she does they will be extremely tiny so they would work out for her in the beginning. I just can't do it and I do feel bad for giving up but its so stressful for me. I would have to run home every two hours to get nothing in return for my time and effort. I feel like it would be a different story like I said before having the baby with me. So next pregnancy (that will be fullterm) I will try again and hope for a different outcome.