Is this it?

Well we started today early (December 22nd 2011). I was at the hospital by 9AM in order to catch the doctors and find out when Madison was coming home. I don't remember if I said but Madison did really good with her surgery and was eating practically everything after not being able to eat for 12 hours prior to the surgery. So after an hour and a half a resident comes over and says "well are there any questions or concerns you have?" and I'm like yes "When is she coming home?" and she reply "I can't really say she is looking good but I have to make sure all the doctors are in order with it." I interrupt her saying she is taking pretty much all her bottles and that was the only thing we were waiting on pretty much. So we took her notes and said she had to get all the doctors together and talk it over. Meanwhile everyone and their mom is coming up to me asking when shes going home and I of course STILL have NO CLUE. So she comes back with another nurse maybe 45 minutes to an hour later and says "I have good news!" "We are planning to discharge her tomorrow." Boy was I happy but cautious because as you know in the NICU & CCN things can change very quickly. So I wore a smile in the back of my mind that night. I was told she had one more steroid eye drops for her eyes so she needed her last dose before she left. We estimated after 3:00PM she would be on her way home. So we left early in order to get our room extra cleaned set up her playard and buy more diapers, pretty much get everything situated. So we went back that night visited her fed her left and that was that for that night.

Our First Night

I figured since I knew we would spend the night tonight at the hospital I should use up my last 3 hours of PTO and leave work early to see the hubby for a bit and then go. So I did. We got to the hospital at about 7:50PM got our things situation and gazed at the cutest little girl in the world. So we put our stuff in the room which is a sauna by the way, ha then came back out. I did her meds and fed her. She took all but 2ccs which I don't think the nurse even wrote down. So 42 ccs total. So she was put back to need and wheeled in our room so I'm just kind of sitting her waiting for her next feed at 12AM but it will probably be a bit sooner. She has been fairly quiet aside from a couple cries here and there. I feel like I just had her and its our first night together well it is our first night but I didn't just have her. I'm excited but sweating ha I won't be able to sleep I don't think but its all for her. Hubby is here too. I asked one of the nurses what happens if she takes all her bottles for me but doesn't for anyone else and she just said if she does it for me then she should do it for the nurses...but like I've said before she does this thing where she sleeps or rests for a few then goes back to eating and I feel like when they do that the nurse just goes well I guess we are done and gives up with her. She does that to me a lot. The nurse was like well I guess you will need to commit yourself her which I kind of took offense to. I don't always have a car and when I do I'm here I feed her and if I'm not here I call.

Christmas Pictures

I can't believe I almost forgot about this. Thursday night my mother and I went to the hospital to take Christmas pictures of Madison. We weren't too prepared and because of being in the NICU before we weren't sure what she could and couldn't be exposed (props wise) so we. get her dressed up. Have the nurse clean off the counter we wanted to use and we put up a white blanket as a backdrop. We tried laying her on her back didn't work so well them we tried her belly same thing. So a nurse took her and sat her up and held her behind the blanket. Then my mom was like too bad we didn't have mini presents and a nurse was like or a big teddy bear to lean her against and all of a sudden someone pops over with a couple presents to add to the picture. I did an okay job with crappy lighting. I think round two will be on Monday. BUT unfortunately I can't showcase the photos because I'm on my cell phone so that will have to be another day when I have internet.

December 13th 2011

Today is my due date. Madison is now 40 weeks old but close to 4 months now. Not sure if I updated about the contrast test but if I didn't she doesn't have any narrowing or scar tissues in her intestines she is just a slow digester. When I talked to them they were thinking about giving her meds to speed it up or just leave her that way, it was a question I forgot to ask. We had the oxygen & monitor training yesterday...it was scary but again its something we need to know. Hopefully by the time she comes home she wont need it. She she STILL needs to get her eating in order...the last 3 or so days she took her whole bottle for the morning feeds. Today she only took 4ccs....not a lot at all. I don't feel like they sit there and give her a chance to eat they probably rush her through it and is like oh well we will put it down the tube. I can't be there every second of the day to feed her and I wish I could it also doesn't help that this whole house is sick so we all can't see her. She is never going to come home if they don't give her a bit more time. But what is stupid too is that when she comes home they say feed her when ever she wants and how ever much she wants to eat but in the CCN its she needs to eat it all in this amount of time and at this specific time...really frustrating.

I'm not even going to get excited anymore....

this is how it ALWAYS happens. Back to the Oh so lovely Feeding issues! Grrr. So yesterday before a feeding. With the tube that goes down her nose they take a syringe and draw back to check her residuals...and there was 16ccs of food left that she hadn't digested from the feeding before. So with her next feeding they had to give her what the remainder of her feeding would be minus the 16ccs still left which pretty much lowered her feeding. So I don't know whats going on now. It's pretty irritating knowing she "was" closer to home and now there is more of a set back. So on top of not taking all her bottles all the time she isn't digesting much now either. Her due date is 8 days from today....I don't see her being home by then or even being home for Christmas', what the fuck?!

All the December Babies are appearing

11 days from today would have been the twins' due date. I would have loved to know what pregnancy would have been like past 23 weeks. Up until 23 weeks I had no issues (aside from my cervical issues and random bleeding episodes). I didn't have any pain, only threw up once I was just careful and didn't have much of anything to complain about. Now all the December mommies are having their December babies and I missed out on it all. But let me tell you I am wiser. Even though I am sad I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy or have the opportunity to do the things every pregnant women does. I had the opportunity to witness something more amazing that not many women get to. I saw my baby develop before my eyes. Madison had paper thin skin, no ears but a holes in her head for them, no butt just her anus, her eyes were still fused shut, no nipples or eye lashes. Then all of a sudden things changed in the matter of 2 weeks and she looked completely different then when she was born and her eyes started to open. She went from not being able to handle any kind of touch to keeping her levels where the should be when I or my husband would touch her. She went from kicking around a bit with her eyes shut most of the time to being very alert, looking around while bottling and being content. Everyone talks about new born photos but I've been taking photos of her since she was 23 weeks 3 days, 100+ days ago...to me that is when she was newly born. She has been through everything and she doesn't even know it. One day she will read my posts if she is at all interested in how she got here and how hard she fought to stay. She makes me so proud everyday.

On the road to home we go...

but who knows exactly how long that will take. Madison is a 38 weeker

That TINY thread was thee oh so famous PICC line.

meaning her due date is in exactly 2 weeks from today. Her PICC line was removed yesterday and I was there to witness it. It literally looked like a thread, which was going into a major artery right above her heart. This morning around 6:30AM she was moved to CCN and its so different there. Everything seems a bit more quiet and no so fast paced. There were a few dings here and there but even then it seemed really calm. I went in for 3:00PM to do her usual feeding and they had already fed her. She took 18ccs and the rest down her tube. I was a bit upset because I woke the hubby up from his nap to rush and get down there to feed her and it was already done. The nurse did say to me she was up and looking for a bottle so I guess it was good they are trying to do it on her time more so than on an exact schedule. She is making me a bit nervous lately. When I've held or or my husband holds her after a while her heart rate drops a bit and her O2 levels and she sometime self corrects it and she seems good and it happens again then I get freaked out and I put her back in her bed and shes better. Last night I was holding her and she was acting up and her was dinging for a while and there was a nurse near by and didn't even turn around to see if she was okay. She was dipping into the 50s for her O2 level which should be 91+ and she didn't come over until I was like "Her oxygen is really low," and she was like "Oh shes coming up." By then she was in the 80s still dinging and shot back down to the lower 70s still dinging so I put her back, and I could have sworn her lips looked a bit blue to me. How am I going to know whats happening when we go home? Or if she is home on oxygen and a monitor how will I even enjoy being home with her when I'm just going to stare at her monitor making sure everything is going okay.







I'm just going to call it, 5lbs

As of 8pm-ish last night Madison weighed in at 4lbs 15.4ozs...she is 5lbs to me. She had her last dose of antibiotics lastnight and is on full feeds 38ccs. She has only been taking 10ccs from the bottle the last day or so, so they are giving her some rest and just putting it down the tube. Her PICC line should be coming out today YAY!!! We got a little tour of the CCN (continuing care nursery) and was showed a possible spot for Madison with the best nurses :) so it looks like just a matter of days before she is moved over there. All we have left or should I say all she has left to do is take her full feeds by bottle and we are on our way home...that and I hope they can get her off the oxygen fully.

Every 6

After that minor set back we had Madison is back to where she was on her canula a quarter liter 100% oxygen and as of lastnight at 24ccs of formula the goal is 29ccs. They are upping her feeds by 1cc every 6 hours so by tomorrow around 6AM she should be at 29ccs and if that goes well her PICC line should be coming out then she might be moved to CCN. They will watch her feedings and growth after that and see how she does. I got trained on a couple meds of her lastnight and we signed up for a CPR class for her. She is 37 weeks 2 days and at 4lbs 9ozs which means her due date is in 2 weeks and 5 days...I'm really hoping she comes home on or before her due date hopefully off oxygen totally. So far so good.