We are moved.

and when I say I HATE packing / moving I mean it. We are now snuggled in our 2x4 and have yet to really unpack. We started at 8:30AM and didn't finished getting everything out until 10PM. Well I shouldn't say everything because there is still a computer chair and a bike left but that's it. I'm pretty bummed because I have no clue where that free voucher for the free night and the B&B went and I really wanted to book a night now I look like an ungrateful ass. Well anyways Madison had to go for another contrast test because of how much spitting up she's been doing and the residuals she's been leaving. The last I heard she had 2 large poops since the test began so things were moving. I'm here at work miserable because I didn't get to sleep until pretty much midnight and I had to wake up for 4:45AM. On top of that I think my period has officially started (well hello friend I have seen a real one since I started puberty) if well this is inface what it is because since the babies I had some blood on and off but this was the dark red kind. It doesn't really touch a pad just a couple drops here and there but is nasty when I wipe...real thing? I think its possible. Anyways I'm at work I do have a pad on but feel gross because I don't have anymore and I'd much rather tampons, I stuck my figure through my pants some how pulling them up now I have a huge rip in them and I'm starving because I haven't eaten much. I have money but this cafeteria doesn't take cards and I have no car so I can't get anywhere. Ugh we did Ger the details of the severance package and I think I'm leaning towards signing this bad boy band getting out of here with perks while I can. So I have 9 hours of PTO and I am going to leave this place for 12:30PM use 6 of those hours and get myself together for tomorrow, ha. On the plus side I can go side that's makes me able to see my babes :D

Infant CPR

My husband and I had our Infant CPR class and it is really scary thing to think about, being your child in that position let alone your premature child who fights for her life daily...but I can say I am somewhat prepared...can't say how I would handle things in that situation but hopefully I can react when needed. The dolls we used to practice were huge. I was telling the nurse they should have preemie dolls to use. We went over the proper way to give CPR to an infant and how to check is he/she is responsive and what to do in either case. We also went what to do if your child is choking and what not. It was a lot to take in and I hope I'm never in that situation. One of the nurse managers came up to me today after class while I visited Madison for a few and said she had a few vouchers given to her for a free night at a bed & breakfast that is across the street from the hospital and I thought it was the sweetest thing! We will surely take her up on the offer a free night alone outside of our house and next to our daughter who is only a hop, skip and a jump away. We just have to figure out when exactly. We ended up getting all the couches out of here and a dresser now we have some cabinets we have to unpack and clean up a bit. we have our bed another dresser, a TV, stand, and my computer to get out of here and we should be set...I can't wait until its all done!

Endless I tell you!

I'm sitting here packing and everytime I turn around it's like nothings changed. Theres just way too much crap and we have to be out thursday including cleaning up this place a bit. Adam should be home a little after 1:00PM to help out. We have to go see Madison for her 3:00PM feed then meet my parents to go see this out that is for rent, it sounds really nice but they probably won't be able to afford it so we will be still stuck in their tiny apartment, then we come back here grab some stuff to unhaul at various families basements. Ugh.

Unmotivated

I seriously can't get motivated to pack here. I managed to whip out a bunch of things from our bedroom closet and well it's been sitting there for a few days. I've walked in and out of the bedroom just moving a couple things and I'm just not feeling it. There is WAY too much to get out of this place and I'm such a huge procrastinator and my husband just puts everything off, hes at school  now and I can't ask for his help. Ugh!

Such a strong person or so you think

I lightened the little area so you can see the orb.

I haven't really had time to just sit and make an actual post about the craziness going on in my head...so here starts the rambling. Those who know me we'll say as in can see my face to face probably look at my and say wow with everything she's been through she is so strong and handles things well. Well I wish I could say the same when I'm alone or at work with my headphones on with hours and hours of thinking time. No one knows I wake up on my days off sometimes and just sit her and cry and its not like I can call someone up and cry to them because I'm not that person. However I would like to see a therapist but can't afford it. I think about how there are similarities between Madison and Dexter and how he would look if he were at Madison's point right now. I looked over pictures of Madison I've taken and how one specific one sticked out (its on here) the one where she is bottling and holding the bottle. Then to the left of the photo there is an orb there next to here and the only thing I can think of is that is Dexter there with his sister being the big brother he should be and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Going through the baby shower photos from a totally different camera there are orbs in those too, possibly Dexter and other family. Some of you may think I'm crazy but its worth thinking about. Now I'm freaking out about this whole moving issue. There's just so much to do so much to pack what we have room to keep and what we have to get rid of. We have less than 14 days...how are we going to get all this done with me working weekends and Adam going to should during the week in the mornings and working too. I'm really not looking forward to living in a box with the hubs and a baby.