Made an INBETWEEN Appointment

On Friday, and days before I was feeling a lot of pressure, so Friday morning a made a point to call my MFM's office and see if an ultrasound could be scheduled to make sure my cervix didn't decide to act up. They fit me right in thankfully, they more than anyone knows what can happen in mere days never mind almost two weeks.

I was a nervous wreck, as usual. I went in she checked baby's heart rate abdominal, snapped a cute profile photo for me and went in vaginally to check my cervix. So took quite a few measurements and for the first time she took one with applied pressure. I haven't had that with this pregnancy until that day.

All measurements taken were within the 3cm range. I was also surprised that my largest measurement taken over 4cm with with pressure applied, I'll say it one more time...WITH PRESSURE APPLIED. Usually, from experience with my last pregnancy that is when the cervix will change such as displaying funneling and a shortened cervix, in my case that did not happen, thankfully. The ultrasound tech made a point to say "baby is right there" meaning right on my cervix which is most likely causing all the pressure. His big ole 5oz noggin!

All my measurements ranged between 3.6cm - 4cm+ which in the doctor's eyes meant NO CHANGE from last week. I left SO happy and knew that I would be able to relax over the weekend up until my Level II on Thursday, Jan 25th. Here is to hoping Thursday I will be hearing that baby is growing well and everything looks great. Just 6 weeks and a few days until I surpass my last pregnancy. 

21 weeks

Five days ago I had my cervical length follow up and was told I was .5mm but it was more like 4.88mm. Today he said not much of a change either this week (in 5 days) but the shortest measurement was around .3mm so like I said before I would bring up the topic of having a second cerclage placed, which I did. Like before he was against it like the first one but did tell me this time when he did the manual exam he could feel the bag of water past the stitch now. So I feel like its only a matter of time now.

 I was upfront and plain out asked him if I didn't have this cerclage placed do you think I'd still be here right now and he said no that he though the membranes would have ruptured by now which I agreed with him about. So far this stitch has given me 5 weeks and I'm hoping with another stitch I could get another 5+ weeks if there are no complications. A second stitch is the only thing I feel would by more time since the bag of water is going past this one, I feel like there isn't anymore time to waste. This time he would use a balloon to life the bag of water up and stitch around the cervix and tool that holds the balloon then deflate it. I just need to be shown which direction to take I want to know this is the right one.

So I think I will leave it up to the doctor this time he said he will talk over my case with the other doctors tomorrow and that he would get back to me tomorrow and let me know if I will be going in for surgery. If he is still against it I will still feel the need to push it so maybe using his opinion won't work...I don't know. I don't want to have these babies too early my goal is to get to 26 weeks and maybe even past that. I saw them on ultrasound today and they were beautiful.

20 weeks 3 days

Well yesterday was 20 weeks 3 days. Not too bad of a day my mom and dad came over and made breakfast for dinner for my husband and I it was sooo good. Baby wise we are all still holding up I still get those times throughout the day where I feel depressed and sorry for myself but I guess it comes with the territory.There are nights I notice when I wake up to pee I just feel like its going to be over right now. Maybe its dreams I've been having but I can't remember what they were I just remember not feeling positive when I wake up...its odd.I know for today they are still here with me.

20 weeks 2 days

    I had two appointments an ultrasound to check cervical length and a post op with my doctor to talk about whats going on. It took a whole to hours between waiting and being seen. Anyways the ultrasound showed the usual funneling, short cervix, and the bag dipping past the stitch. I was .6 last week now i'm .488 which he considers fine and no change since last week. He did a manual which is never pleasant and says from what he could feel no dilation, good. He can feel the length of my itty bitty cervix then the stitch and doesn't feel the bag of water also good. He brought up a second surgery for a cerclage and felt that being somewhat stable right now he doesnt wan to disturb things. So we decided, that way it won't be too late to see him in 5 days and not 7 to check out the cervix and put the possibility of another cerclage back on the table based on those findings. He said my cervix could hold for a few more weeks even months but again nothing is definite.
      They also found that my blood pressure/pulse was high. They re-took it with me lying on my side and the blood pressure came down but my pulse was still up there so we will see what happens with that. It was semi good news the doctor is still conerned as I am but I am to keep to my strict bedrest and weekly progestrone shots and see where it takes me.

19 weeks

Well im officially 19 weeks  as of Tuesday which brings me 2 days until I see the babies and get a cervical length check. I'm so nervous but I hope things are well. I think I might be feeling the babies moving but I don't feel definite on it but I think I can :) so I have 7 weeks until I reach my goal of 26 weeks for these babies to maybe be "okay" if they were born then. ugh so many worries..

I want to be gone, alone.

Today is one of the worst days. It is day 17 on strict bed rest and my mind is just going and going. I know im doing this for my babies but I really don't know how much longer I can hold on mentally. I feel like im on the brink of a break down and I dont know what to do. i'm only 18 weeks 3 days and I have a long way to go for them to even have a chance at survival and everyday scares me.

My History

We've struggled with infertility for about a year give or take and with the help of IVF we concieved our first baby only to lose it at 6 1/2 weeks because its developement and heart just stopped. we had a D&C January 7th. After two months of waiting we decided to have another go and had 2 frozen embryos transfered in May and they both took. at about 5 weeks and on I had bleeding off and on but the babies looked good through it all. First trimester scan was great. Then I had a bleeding and cramping episode a few days into the 14th week, where  I was told babies are good but you are 1cm dilated. so I had a follow up with the perinatal doctor where I was told length looked great it was 3 1/2cm and that they didn't find any dilation. My 8 day follow with my ob's ultrasound tech showed bad results. My cervix went down to 1.2cm in 8 days with a lot of funneling. So started the questions and what to dos. So I was immediately sent back to the perinatal doctor where they confirmed their results. Now begins my struggle to keep them in.
    At 16 weeks 1 day after being at the hospital overnight we had a cerclage placed and was told to be on strict bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy with weekly cervical length checks to follow and weekly progesterone shots to try and prevent preterm labor.