Gestational Age: 33 weeks Adjusted Age: 2 months 1 week and 5 days

We saw Madison a bit late lastnight. Day two of being clothed and looking extra cute. She is up to 2lbs 10ozs just 6ozs away from 3lbs. They took out her little suction tube that goes into her belly to see how it will do since her belly hasn't changed. Her settings have been relatively low yay! 24 oxygen it was lastnight (she was also on room air for a while) the nurse told me and was only on 14 for the vent. So I'm thinking after a bit more time on these settings they may try the switch again to the high flow canula. I also asked about when the would attempt feeding her if not surgery is to happen yet and she said they would probably like to do the contrast test again. So overall she is doing okay and I'm happy with that. My small/big 33 weeker...I can't believe it.

VOTE VOTE: http://photos.parents.com/american-baby-cover-contest-1/43/2011/81

Voting for Madison.

The link changes everyday because her place does. Here is todays link. http://photos.parents.com/american-baby-cover-contest-1/43/2011/91 I will post the new one everyday. Thank you all who have voted and who will vote!

She has done it again

About 45 minutes after we saw Madison today my mom calls me to tell me she pooped! Yay for poops! We are hoping this continues. The nurse told us, when we got there that while she was moving Madison she felt her pass gas awesome! So it seems our little girl is digesting something and moving things a long a bit. She is at 2lbs 9ozs. Just thought I'd share. The nurse even dug it out the trash to show it off, Haha everyone is very proud of her. Oh and she actually had clothes on today :D so cute will get updated pictures posted. Also if you all could. Please vote for Madison in the baby cover contest. She was chosen this week in the running for $250 we could really use! http://photos.parents.com/american-baby-cover-contest-1/43/2011/295

Not now.

So not surgery isn't going to happen. For now atleast. The 4 to 6 weeks after her belly drain was put in would be the 27th but it is called off for now. Last week when I saw her I believe on Monday the nurse was like oh on the 15th or 16th Madison had a large bowel movement...and I was like no one told me! Now that is good news seeing as she hasn't gone in atleast 6 weeks. Well now its obviously have been a bit since then but that is good we are all hoping it will continue that way but who knows. Anyways the surgeons think she is still too small and want to wait it out. Her stomach measurement have been reading at around 24cm as she's been gaining weight. Yesterday she got up to 2lbs 9ozs and her belly measurement was near 21cm which is good too. She is back on low oxygen. Last night while I was there they put her at 23 oxygen and the vent was set at 16. Those were close to the settings she was at when they decided to take out her breathing tube...hopefully she will handle it better when they take it out again. Also I forgot to mention the night before last Madison has been getting even more active with moving her head a lot and pulled out her breathing tube "ah." They tried to keep it out and see how she would do but her heartrate got too low I guess and they re intubated her. They also highered her caffeine they thing she was out growing the smaller dose so this will hopefully help when the time comes. The hubby starts electrical school today which leave me home. So I'm hoping I can get back to sleep for a bit more.

On the book for Oct. 27th

Nothing too much has changed since getting her breathing tube put back in. She was really high on the vent a bit lower on oxygen but now its starting to level out and they are weening her again. They are hoping for Oct. 27th as surgery date and earlier if they can get it. I was taking some pictures of her yesterday and she was all looking around and reaching her hand out like she wanted me to touch her. So I did I put my pinky in her little hand and she would squeeze it every now and then which was nice. I liked that she was alert and her eyes were open while she squeezed me. She had a new little hat on and I rubbed her head through the hat and she'd kind of closed her eyes a bit sooo nice. BUT anyways here are a few images for the mind :)

Two missed calls.

The past few days have pretty much blended into each other. I started work on friday. Woke up at 4:45AM to be to work for 6:00AM and got out at 6:30PM. The first couple days weren't so bad but Sunday went on forever. It was so slow and my hands and shoulder were killing me from not doing that work in a long time. Ah well it is over now which leaves me time to update you all. Yesterday while grabbing my phone after waking up it says two missed called and a voicemail, 6 hours ago from no other place but the NICU. I was like ummm. So a doctor left a message saying we had to intubate your daughter again because she needed more support than what the cpap was giving her. It suspected that she may have pneumonia so antibiotics was started the night before last. Ugh as if I need more shit added to Madison's list. All that right before going to work, stressful day much? On top of that I can't remember when but its when I took a pee break I decided to check my phone and guess who it was NICU again so I was really worried. Listen to the message that said "you need to call us back right away," now what would you think in that situation? well my heart stoled and I started shaking. So I call "hi NICU," I say "hi this is Cecelia I was told to call back right away," she says "oh yes! Let me transfer you to so and so," "okay." And she finally picks up "hi so we just needed a consent for blood." Really all that and that couldn't be said in a voicemail... Well after I got out of work we went to go see her I life up the blanket on her incubator as I always do and there it was...something I've never seen before. She has a MASSIVE head! I say to my husband..."is this the wrong baby? Did they switch them?" Haha I was kind of serious but wow two days makes a difference. It really is big it went from a pear to like a small pumpkin size. And her little ears aren't so big and fit nicely with her massive head Haha. She looks so different. I have no clue where her eyebrows went and her forehead grewwww. Haha but wow.

I'm really not wanting to go back to work tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to people coming up to me asking about my births, what happened, how it happened, how I felt and what happened to Dexter and why...I'm just not ready. Its not like it will be a short shift either...12 hours a day for 3 days straight...maybe it will get easier and maybe some people with realize it wouldn't be appropriate to ask such questions just yet. I'm scared and not so sure I can deal with it yet. What if I really can't handle it, then what? I would be the only source of a bit more income. A lot has changes since leaving work back at the end of June.friends of mine have left due to shift changes and finding new jobs. Its going to be like starting all over again, but in a familiar place. I don't see myself being around people much (like lunch) probably just heat up my food and bring it out to my car, like I used to do at times. Maybe on my lunch break I'll call and check up on Madison. Ugh too much to think about.

Shes what!?

900 grams aka 2 lbs! She has gotten to two pounds! I knew I noticed some extra chunkiness on her arms and legs. Shes getting to be a big girl now! So she is still on the nasal oxygen and vent. The brought her vent down to 15 again like last time(when the decided to switch her to just nasal oxygen). Apparently over night her belly got a bit bigger because (they assume) it was filling with air because it has no where to go since she is no longer on the breathing tube. The nurse says she sucked out 9CCs of air yikes! So they put a larger tube in her mouth to her belly to hopefully be more successful at sucking out that yucky stuff. She was very vocal today with the nurse messing with her but didn't peep for me changing her diaper :) Mommy points for that :P I was hoping to hold her today the nurse was too but that want to watch the belly a bit more before they let me again, booo! I did touch her a lot today it was nice. I was lighting rubbing her palm with my hand and every now and them she would clench my finger :D and I was rubbing her leg for a while over the blanket...I think she liked it she didn't destat once :) Well we are bring family there tonight and hopefully things stay the same and or are better...like lower oxygen and talks of taking her off hmmmm.

Caught me off guard a bit.

We went to see Madison for the second time around 7:00PM. It wasn't too eventful the first time we saw her today and she was pretty much out cold so we let her be. Walking in the second time her primary doctor was there and checked her over. Listened to the lungs and felt her belly making sure there isn't too much air getting in since she isn't intubated anymore and all in all he said she looked good. The he goes to the other side presses on something closed the little door and walks away. All of a sudden I hear this cry I look down and its her. No doors are open you could hear her through her incubator. Kinda made me feel sad but its good she can cry poor baby but she got over it quick. She doesn't seem like she will be a big crier just a little here and there and stop.

Extubated...

On purpose thus time. They removed Madison's breathing tube the night before last because she was doing so well in the low setting and her blood gas were coming back great. So they had her on nasal oxygen only and eventually switched her to room air and was doing great. We got to see her little face finally and she is adorable! Unfortunately a little while after we left they had to ad the vent back (still on relatively low setting) because she got tired from doing everything on her own but the good this is she isn't intubated again, its still through her nose. Atleast we know she is capable of doing it, it will just take some getting used to but I am proud of her :) and I'm sure they ail try once again. On a crappy note (for me atleast) I am to return to work on friday...boo! With my nursing hours. Am I a nurse? Nope but I have their hours ha. 6:00AM - 6:00PM friday - Sunday oh joy! But in the end I suppose it would be good for Madison when she comes home being that I will have Monday through Thursday off. I just wish I had more time and we weren't struggling with money issues otherwise I probably wouldn't go back.

Wow...20,000 views

Well I don't know what's been going on with me, well my uterus lately. I've been cramping on and off for a little over a week. So I think to myself maybe its my period that I never ever get with out medical intervention FINALLY! But then I go to the bathroom there is nothing there or its just a bit of old stuff from the baby having days. I actually did take a "test" yesterday because well...what else could it be? It was negative...bummer but maybe my period is coming along slowly or maybe i'm too early eh who knows but I'm hurting : /

Saturday or Sunday...

The nurse informed me tonight they are thinking of taking out her breathing tube and switching her to nasal oxygen which is completely awesome! She was only on 17 for the vent so I guess she seems to be breathing a lot on her own now and just needing a bit of oxygen support :) the date for the surgery is still unknown and this information came as a shock. I was expecting these changes to only be made after surgery but it seems they are happy with how she is progressing respiratory wise which makes me happy! That was my quick update for the night.

Two hours.

Well I got a call from my Mom. She had just seen Madison and wanted to see what I was up to (still in bed half awake) and she goes on with the usual lines. "Madison is adoreable and cute and well you know." Of course she is :) so anyway to the point she was talking to the nurse and the nurse told her we could try and kangaroo care again, so I was excited and dragged the hubby out of bed to go. So we went and start walking to her pod and the nurse is like "are you ready?" ...she already knew, ha. I was so nervous. I changed and got in the gown sat in the nice recliner and I started freaking out. The replay of last time was coming back to me. Sitting there just waiting for something to happen...well something did. They placed her on my chest and I held her. I felt her little kicks and her hand kind of grabbing at me and her belly moving with each breath. 30 minutes went by, and that turned in to an hour, and an hour turned in to an hour and a half...and that turned into two hours and it was great. She had only a couple destats and that was it. She had a pretty big airleak and it sounded like snoring but other than that it was very sweet. She'd open her eyes here and there and close them right back up. It was an awesome two hours. I was telling the husband, one day she won't even want me to hold her. BUT I will enjoy it while I can. Oh and he changed her diaper today and I got to also. I finished up baby shower invites and have my registries up. Friends & Family here are the registry links!

Target: http://www.target.com/baby/registry/pFRXvgFZj7vQqOS_-gEKcg
Walmart: https://www.walmart.com/giftregistry/gr_detail.do?registryId=80542771061
Babies R' US: http://www.toysrus.com/registry/search/index.jsp?_flowExecutionKey=_cADBAA69A-F176-F3F3-229F-FC2F5C4EE556_kB530377B-3513-E0F9-4E64-BD968993BD4C&overrideStore=TRUS

Here is the shower invitation design I did. It would look better without the scratched out address but look past it :P

Oh, and Madison & I.

Awaiting surgery date confirmation.

So the doctors and everyone (after the holidays + vacations) they will have a date next Monday. They went down a bit on her setting 28 oxygen and 22 on the vent, awesome! She is about 3 ounces shy of 2LBs. Now it just seems that once the belly is resolved she can't really eat and hopefully grow a lot more and maybe even get her off of the breathing tube and vent.

Today would be 30 weeks...

if I were still pregnant that is. I still get those daily emails and weekly notifications every Tuesday reminding me how far along I "should" be. If I were to have the babies now I know they'd be fine...probably only a couple weeks NICU stay, well that won't happen will it.
We saw Madison again lastnight, no eyes this time. She must have been extra tired. We found out the circumference of her head did get bigger and she grew close to 2 inches. From what the doctor said before she was sent out to Boston she was around 600ish grams and now shes 820ish grams so she is growing and the meds seem to be working for her liver. I got to changed her diaper! When I said changed her diaper last time that only meant wiping her and putting the diaper under her and the nurse did the rest. This time the other nurse walked away, I wiped, put the diaper under her fastened one side and ripped off the other fastener...so I got a new diaper and did it all again while sweating from being so nervous. It took wayyy longer than changing a diaper should, haha. My arm was pretty much on her breathing tube and I was trying not to touch her too much. I think it was the most time I spent in here touching her and moving her around a bit and she really didn't destat. After that her O2 started going up...I guess she liked mommy changing her diaper, ha :)
After seeing Madison we had to stop and get soap so we went into CVS and I was saying outloud something along the lines of "Crap I still have the prescription the doctor put in for me, ah well I don't need birthcontrol yet anyway." The doctor wants me to have a couple periods a year since I don't get any and to lower the risk of cervical cancers. And the hubby is like I hope your pregnant (I highly doubt, but wouldn't mind it) and I'm like why? He's like "I want my boy again," kind of sad. I would be extremely suprized if it "could" happen without going through another FET cycle, but again I don't think I would really know if I were.

My mind is going crazy

We ended up seeing Madison pretty late last night after having some family over for dinner. We got there at around 9:45PM. She seems to becoming more alert. She was sleeping then I opened one of the little doors you put yourhand through (as I normally do) and talked to her and she moved around a bit and opened her eyes for me...so cute. And we kept on doing that as we both talked to her it was really sweet :) so no changed really with her. She was on 33 oxygen last night and had 25 for the vent. To kind of switch up things lastnight while I was sleeping I had a really freaky dream about Madison. For some reason she was about the size of a kiwi and was crawling around but she wasn't breathing or something like that and I was like is someone going to do something and they were saying something like do you see how her brain caved in on itself? She isn't responding to the oxygen we are giving her. And I remember holding her trying to give her some suction. Well I guess it wasn't a weird dream but nightmarish...freaky. I hate having dreams related to my babies because earlier in this pregnancy I had dreams about bleeding and they've happened that and I had a dream about having the babies really early and that happened. Ugh. Anyway onto another note we will be going to see her soon so I printed out a mini picture of Dexter to put with her to look at :) along with a picture I took of her to put on the outside. Also yesterday we came up with a baby shower date which will be November 17th since we are hoping she will be home sometime in december around her original due date. I started designing the invites and will post photos :)

The verdict.

After seeing Madison yesterday and speaking with the nurses and doctor the only option left now is surgery. The contrast still isn't moving and still no poop. I found out yesterday that the IV nutrition they have her on is now messing with her liver so she is taking a new medication for that...the longer she is on that the more it will mess with her so as soon as the surgery is done hopefully they can start feeding her. They wanted to wait 4 - 6 weeks since the drain was put in her belly so the irritation can go down so that brings us to the middle of October. This is going to be her 3rd surgery : / I hope it will be the last and everything goes well after.

The Scrapbook/Baby book

I figured I would get some pictures flowing I have only the cover and one page almost done just have to add some writing. I do look terrible in these pics BUT they are the only ones we took of the special day. So here they are, enjoy :)

TRANSFER DAY! March 28th 2011
We even have the ultrasound picture of the transfer :) This isn't the orignal I had to copy it and make a smaller print to fit but I'm glad I asked for a picture :)