I remember when she was born and when she was immediately wheeled away. I remember seeing her for the first time in the incubator surrounded by this squishy material to mimic the womb. Hot air was blown on her and she laid there with a breathing tube taped to her face. She laid there motionless except for the wiggling of her two big toes. She was tiny but even then full of life. She was a twin but there she was alone and there she would thrive and survive.
Who is chosen to lose a child? What are the requirements when we are chosen? Why must we need to suffer through a loss. It doesn't seem right. It seems as though it is all the good deserving people out there who are chosen. Those that just want that chance to love a child, to make a family complete. Even after the loss we are burdened with the thought. It never disappears or gets easier. It stays and it hurts and hurts. Some days or fine then other it comes back hitting a hundred times over and your shot down just like you were then. Everyone says how strong you are but that's just on the outside. If I could have just stopped everything from turning for a bit longer I would have but having a surviving child you have to love and take care of makes the world keep turning and there is no pause you have to keep living because if it isn't for yourself it's for her and she deserves it.
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