Sleep Study

Well today is the day of Madison's BIG sleep study. We almost got away with not doing it because of her being monitored at the hospital after her surgery BUT she isn't gaining enough weight it seems. So now we are mixing her formula to be 26 calories now and see how that works out. So it seems it will be just baby and I for the night. I know she'll do fine I've had her of oxygen over a month now.

Child birth again

I had a dream a few nights ago...and it was really weird. Maybe its because Dexter has been on my mind a lot, and it just kills me to think about the what ifs and 7 months later I still feel like this is all my fault and if I would have made a different decision the outcome would have been better. So here was the dream it isn't all detailed and there isn't too much to it BUT I dreamt I gave birth and after all that there was no baby. I remember giving birth to Dexter and immediately crying afterward because I knew that was the last time he would be with me. The last time he could be alive without a struggle and it was one the last and only couple times I felt him kick. My husband got a tattoo for him and its beautiful. I will get a picture up for you guys. Its a tiny baby in a womb and its sad but beautiful. I was watching it for him because its on his back and I was saying I get to wash Dexter now :) I miss him so much.

Medications...

Going away one by one! Madison only has iron, sodium, prilosec and her thyroid meds left...she used to have about 7 medications total. So she only gets meds like 3 times a day instead of 8 how awesome :D I have brought Madison up to eating about 3 ozs at a time its going pretty good. The babes should be gaining that weight like nothing now. Since I last blogged we have taken her out on two walks the weather has been awesome for it and well I think she may be starting to like them. She has been less and less fussy since the formula change and boy does that make me one happy Mom. I love sweet quiet,talking,babies :P

Beyond irritated

I'm totally scatter brained right now and I have no clue where to begin. Things with my husband and I are well...not good. He is like a child in a mans body. I don't mean for this to be a whole post about complains but let me share my side of the story.
Since moving in together and getting married I've seen a side of him I HATE, and it's his gaming and throwing away money habits. He will JUMP for anything game related but I ask to do something for the baby and its "one second," which it never happens anyway because I just end up doing it. And him and I go over the same ting all the time and nothing changes. I'm getting fed up with it all. We are living with my parents now. All he does is wake up during the week to go to school for 5 1/2 hours and its either take a nap and play video games or he goes straight to the video games. I get 5 minutes here and there of him helping with Madison and thats it. Everytime I bring it up with him I'm "controlling him," or trying to "change him," and so because he is being this way I'm not showing him any "love," or "emotion" and how am I supposed to when your doing NOTHING for me? I would go to counseling but we don't have the money for it. He works 2 - 3 days tops at you guessed it...Gamestop which REALLY pissed me off when he told me he applied there. On top of that I know he is keeping his checks and cashing them for games and not helping with bills. I'm out of work as you may know taking care of the baby and my servence pay from my job is done the first week of April so I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to lose me but I don't know if I can stand being with someone so very immature and just fucking stupid sometimes Ugh.

For those who asked...

Here are a few photos of Madison more recently.

Enjoy <3

Everthing is fine

Surgery went well. She hhas steri strips that hold her tiny cut closed. It turns out her little ovary was poking through her hernia. But all is well. We did do the official switch of formula. We saw the G.I doctor yesterday and Madison needed blood work to check her liver levels and if all is well there will be another medication off this list!! Fingers crossed! Sorry to those of you wondering about the surgery I hadn't had much time to update.

It is surgery day

Wow...its almost been a week since my last post I apologize! The day has come...it is surgery day. She has done well with the no actual food thing since midnight besides apple juice..Hehe she is over 9lbs and over 20 inches long now! Tomorrow we will be swicthing her formula to similac allmetum or however its spelled because sim. senitive wasnt enough. Well for all of you reading let's hope this proceedure goes well without any complications. Poor baby is getting her first spinal