how are you feeling losing one baby and having the other in the NICU?

My answer remains the same. Nothing. I'm still in shock and it doesn't feel real. And since I've had the time to think about I really hadn't had much time to grieve for Dexter being that I was trying to stay positive for Madison and it was really only one day I had to cry my eyes out and everything was then focused on her and trying to carry her a bit longer so she would have a chance. And then it was about her for the remaining 2 days until she came and since then it has been all about her. I mean sure we have to figure out when his funeral will be and get his stone situated but I'm really numb to it all. I don't know if I should be feeling this way. My mom keeps saying you know if you need someone to talk to or want to talk I'm here but I don't have anything to say...she says she doesn't want me to hold it in...but I have no clue where "it" is going I just don't know. I'm not depressed I don't think I'm just going about my day each and every day.